You Were Lucky ... (HUMOUR)

[Parson Snows]

FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:
Aye, very passable, that, very passable bit of risotto.

SECOND YORKSHIREMAN:
Nothing like a good glass of Chateau de Chasselas, eh, Josiah?

THIRD YORKSHIREMAN:
You're right there, Obadiah.

FOURTH YORKSHIREMAN:
Who'd have thought thirty year ago we'd all be sittin' here drinking Chateau de Chasselas, eh?

FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:
In them days we was glad to have the price of a cup o' tea.

SECOND YORKSHIREMAN:
A cup o' cold tea.

FOURTH YORKSHIREMAN:
Without milk or sugar.
THIRD YORKSHIREMAN:
Or tea.

FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:
In a cracked cup, an' all.

FOURTH YORKSHIREMAN:
Oh, we never had a cup. We used to have to drink out of a rolled up newspaper.

SECOND YORKSHIREMAN:
The best we could manage was to suck on a piece of damp cloth.

THIRD YORKSHIREMAN:
But you know, we were happy in those days, though we were poor.

FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:
Because we were poor. My old Dad used to say to me, "Money doesn't buy you happiness, son".

FOURTH YORKSHIREMAN:
Aye, 'e was right.

FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:
Aye, 'e was.

FOURTH YORKSHIREMAN:
I was happier then and I had nothin'. We used to live in this tiny old house with great big holes in the roof.

SECOND YORKSHIREMAN:
House! You were lucky to live in a house! We used to live in one room, all twenty-six of us, no furniture, 'alf the floor was missing, and we were all 'uddled together in one corner for fear of falling.

THIRD YORKSHIREMAN:
Eh, you were lucky to have a room! We used to have to live in t' corridor!

FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:
Oh, we used to dream of livin' in a corridor! Would ha' been a palace to us. We used to live in an old water tank on a rubbish tip. We got woke up every morning by having a load of rotting fish dumped all over us! House? Huh.

FOURTH YORKSHIREMAN:
Well, when I say 'house' it was only a hole in the ground covered by a sheet of tarpaulin, but it was a house to us.

SECOND YORKSHIREMAN:
We were evicted from our 'ole in the ground; we 'ad to go and live in a lake.

THIRD YORKSHIREMAN:
You were lucky to have a lake! There were a hundred and fifty of us living in t' shoebox in t' middle o' road.

FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:
Cardboard box?

THIRD YORKSHIREMAN:
Aye.

FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:
You were lucky. We lived for three months in a paper bag in a septic tank. We used to have to get up at six in the morning, clean the paper bag, eat a crust of stale bread, go to work down t' mill, fourteen hours a day, week-in week-out, for sixpence a week, and when we got home our Dad would thrash us to sleep wi' his belt.

SECOND YORKSHIREMAN:
Luxury. We used to have to get out of the lake at six o'clock in the morning, clean the lake, eat a handful of 'ot gravel, work twenty hour day at mill for tuppence a month, come home, and Dad would thrash us to sleep with a broken bottle, if we were lucky!

THIRD YORKSHIREMAN:
Well, of course, we had it tough. We used to 'ave to get up out of shoebox at twelve o'clock at night and lick road clean wit' tongue. We had two bits of cold gravel, worked twenty-four hours a day at mill for sixpence every four years, and when we got home our Dad would slice us in two wit' bread knife.

FOURTH YORKSHIREMAN:
Right. I had to get up in the morning at ten o'clock at night half an hour before I went to bed, drink a cup of sulphuric acid, work twenty-nine hours a day down mill, and pay mill owner for permission to come to work, and when we got home, our Dad and our mother would kill us and dance about on our graves singing Hallelujah.

FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:
And you try and tell the young people of today that ..... they won't believe you.

YOU WERE LUCKY

[Oddley]

No you were Lucky

We were so poor until the age of twelve I thought hunting meant crapping in a jam jar to catch blue bottles...

As a weekend treat my mum would take me to the rubbish bins so I could lick the newsprint off the newspapers..

the summer was best we used to go round to the doctors to lick the sweat off the backs of the plastic chairs.

[Parson Snows]

You had jam jars and doctors? ... you were lucky

You knew your mother... you were lucky

No blue bottles on our estate.. we couldn't afford colour, and what's a chair?

YOU WERE LUCKY...

[Oddley]

You were lucky

we were so poor that when somebody said eat shit I thought it was dinner time...

But that was only on sundays..

The rest of the week I thought lucky buggers.

before christmas I used to get a kays catalogue so I could tear it up to keep me warm.

But then times got bad!

[Oddley]

we were so poor we used to farm head lice...

For entertainment I had a flea circus in my clothes...

which were handed down from a tramp...

But I only wore them for sunday best...

The rest of the week I hid behind my brother.

Thats all I can remember from my childhood.

[Shaun]

YOU WHERE LUCKY
I couldn't even afford a childhood.[/b]

[Spuddy]

This parrot is dead!

Oops sorry wrong sketch.

[Parson Snows]

We were so poor that when my father was asked what he doing kicking a tin can down the street he replied .. moving.

*****
PS Spuddy

Actually Montypython are accredited with both skits/sketches

[Spuddy]

I know, the parrot reference was supposed to be a subtle clue.

[Parson Snows]

It wasn't JUST a parrot it was a NORWEGIAN BLUE... that's like saying Brian shedding his shoe wasn't a sign.

kind regards

Parson Snows

[Oddley]

Your Lucky when we moved we just filled in the hole.

Sorry spuddy just couldn't resist.

The Parrot is now deceased

[Parson Snows]

Rest in Peace

Kind regards

Parson Snows

[Twoscoops]

We were so poor we used to have to wear the arses out of other people's trousers.